my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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