I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
