Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
