these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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