There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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