nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
