tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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