Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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