THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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