is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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