i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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