Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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