Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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