I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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