What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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