drinking out of a sandbucket again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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