I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
