okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
