I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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