She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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