if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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