doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
