I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
