Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
