i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
