i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
