distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
