I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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