Sry I called you an 8
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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