Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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