Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
