how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
