he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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