It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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