Screwed.edu
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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