Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize