Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
