you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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