you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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