I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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