I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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