im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
