FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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