My hand turned me down
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
