i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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