I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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