farters have to be the big spoon...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen