also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.