Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.