where am i from again
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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