I am puke
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
