Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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