I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
