Pants 0. Shit 1.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would ride that face into the sunset
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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