I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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