Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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