Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
