I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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